So why did I keep posting if I realized it was a delusion?
Because I am a golfer.
Golfers do not ever give up on the game. Every time out on the course, no matter how bad the swing is - whatever the score you shot was - it's always that last hole that keeps you coming back.
I've started from "scratch" many times so far. As they say the best way to progress is to realize your mistakes first. Maybe I'll make more of them, and end up at that other "scratch" level.
Enjoy the ride!
ML